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Gaining Control of Anger

Anger is a basic emotion which has allowed us to survive as a species. When a baby screams because it is hungry, too hot or too cold, it is displaying its raw anger. Anger is the emotion of not having our needs met. We are programmed with the ability to express our anger from birth – and then it gets complicated. As with a baby crying, anger is always a front for vulnerability, and vulnerability is a much harder feeling to communicate.

The goal of anger management therapy is to reduce the feelings and arousal that anger creates, whilst gaining an understanding of the underlying causes. Knowing how to recognise and express your anger and vulnerability, in a way that can help you reach your goals, solve problems and still have your needs met can feel life changing. I teach strategies to resolve angry feelings, recognise vulnerability and communicate thoughts and feelings in a more confident and less aggressive way. The outward projection of anger, usually starts with angry unresolved feelings, toward ourselves.


There is a fine line between acknowledging anger and venting it until it is out of control.


Signs you may have an anger problem


  • explosive outbursts that cannot be controlled


  • domestic violence and controlling behaviour


  • rages when driving or at work


  • depression or anxiety may indicate introverted anger


  • alcohol or drug dependence may cover an anger problem.



Reasons for anger


There are many reasons why people are unable to control their anger; often it is a family or cultural pattern that has never been questioned. In some families women are not allowed to express anger; in others being angry is unacceptable and a sign or failure for all. Tiredness, stress, pain and hormonal imbalances can all contribute to the problem.


We all have ‘hooks’ for our anger whether it is a person pushing in front of a queue or being ignored. Understanding what they are and re-examining our thoughts around them can be among the first steps to managing anger.

Anger management therapy is educative, as well as therapeutic, 
and you will gain an understanding of :

  • How our brains process reality when we're angry

  • The connection between anger and depression

  • How to relax deeply in five minutes or less. (It's physically impossible to be angry and relaxed at the same time)

  • How to neutralise negative self suggestions

  • How and why our thought processes can deceive us. How to see problems from different perspectives

  • How to deal with passive aggression

  • How to inoculate yourself against stress build-up

  • Reassessing some of the unhelpful beliefs about anger in your family

  • How anger affects your close relationships

  • Alternative ways to respond to angry feelings



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